i feel...intolerable urge for attention sometimes. its not something i can control, its not something i can explain, its just there at times and anything can cause it. jealousy at most cases. it doesn't happen often, maybe bc i don't get jealous that much... but when it does, its like there is an itch inside of me that wont stop bothering me until satisfaction is achieved.
i want to run, i want to hide from myself. the ppl in my life expect to get some kind of emotion or feedback from me. they want clarity and explanation of my actions...but how can i do that if i can't figure it out myself. my desires change so often. maybe i am bipolar or something. i mean i know what i want exactly, but i seem to be having a hard time getting across to other ppl. i get blamed for being cold, but that is not true... i am just consumed with my pain and perhaps have no room for any other emotions. or maybe i am too realistic to fall for any of that emotion crap others speak of. i have my actions predicted several steps ahead. what they love is lust. what they call feeling are actually hormones.
i am not lonely just because i like to be alone. i dont think a person can be lonely unless they are bored with their own company, in that case that is just pathetic.
i am not looking for my other half, i was born a whole. i enjoy my own company and appreciate silence, along with productivity. if thats antisocial, then so be it.
but sometimes other make life so unnecessarily complicated. i don't get why. things are so blunt and simple. no need for dragging things on. why cant ppl just stop being cowards and say it how it is.
why cant you look into my eyes and tell me what you want from me. i want you to. i need you to.
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