life really sucks right now. especially today. i feel like shit. i want my car back already, it would make things easier. if it wasn't for my stupid principles i wouldn't be in this situation right now and d would give me a car to drive. i didn't realize but he was like my magic wand taking care of my problems without me even asking. now that we are not talking to each anymore i realize how tough l.a. actually is without him. it fucking sucks. i can also call my ex, and i know he'll take care of all my problems, but my pride was born before me so i rather be stuck in my apartment for a week dying of misery and depression then till him anything is wrong. as far as he is concerned, everything is great with me. no problems, no issues and i am the most successful and happiest person ever born. i wish all that was actually true.
i really can't stand this city. and i don't want to be here right now. i am keeping my word... if in 6 months (july 2011) nothing happens with  my career i am leaving this shithole. i am going to nyc, finishing my education and iva knows the rest but i wont write it here. i need this stupid depression of mine to be over. bc its eating me apart. i also need something good to happen. asap. bc so far the past month has been pretty hell like. i am in a really bad state of mind right know and i need to stop it before it gets any worse bc i know what it can lead to, or at least what it did before. all of my insides turning black and rotting away. not literally of course, but i will become antisocial like last time and waste my life away. miracle, wtf are you?!